When I first started coaching, I was worried about going “too deep” with coachees and them getting stuck. I veered away from the “serious questions”. Then as an experienced coach I worried I was not going “deep enough”.
My reflections from this and my training to be a Psychologist have given me insights and I think there is real value in going deeper in a coaching conversation.
Clients may come to us for support to help them move forward on topics like work life balance, organisation and motivation. Setting goals in these areas can be very beneficial, to help clients think cognitively about what is working and what is not. Working with the brain in mind, to ensure they are working at their cognitive best. It can however stay at a transactional level. Goals set and actions taken. The what of the goal. For some clients this can be a pattern, to then move onto the next goal and then the next, without pausing to look deeper at the why. Who they are, what the’ve been and who they want to become.
Deep coaching, allows us to tap into the unconscious mind more. Going below the iceberg, to look at feelings and thoughts that might be driving behaviours which are above the water line. The why of the goal. Insights around elements that are holding them back, like self-limiting belief, habits and confidence.
Deep coaching, can be us as coaches consciously slowing down. Not rushing the process to get to solution and action. Encouraging our coachees to slow down and tap into the system 2 thinking, the slower, more rational and reflective part of our brain. This deepens our coachee’s thinking.
Some of the ways deep coaching can be encouraged in sessions are;
- Spending longer in the current reality. What is really doing on for them right now? What is their pain point? What negative impact is it having on them and those around them?
- Turning up the dial on our coaching presence and active listening and being bold in our questions and observations.
- Allowing for even more silence.
- With permission, using our intuition to share what we are noticing.
- Reflecting back to the client what they are saying and what they are not saying in their energy and mannerisms.
- The use of metaphor, which is such a gift to help access the unconscious mind.
- Being even more curious in our coaching.
- Linking to purpose and values
- Asking deeper questions that ask about the why, to find out the pull motivation of the desired behaviour. What and how is above the water line and action orientated. Why is about a life of fulfilment (Happiness trap). The why goes deeper. What difference will it make? What’s the impact? What will it allow you to do that you are not doing now?
Finally, for us to never understimate the power of the interaction between coach and client. To be listened to and really heard.
